Chapter twenty seven of my book ROSES AND ITS THORNS was titled SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS. In it a said, anyone deciding to indulge in a sexual act should be emotionally and mentally mature enough to make such decision.

Now, because you are sleeping with someone doesn’t automatically mean you are in a relationship with that person, I get a lot of messages in this regard and that is part of what necessitated this post.

Sex doesn’t create a relationship, sadly, in the minds of many girls, it does and that’s because majority of the society has led them to believing this.

A young lady sent me a message telling me that this guy was asking her out and when she agreed to be his girlfriend, he just slept with her and never called her again.

Here is the sad truth, in Nigeria; you will rarely meet a guy who would be upfront with his intentions because he believes that to get you into bed, he has to convince you that he loves you.

And majority of girls in Nigeria, sanctifies sex, they believe that sleeping with someone who they aren’t in a relationship with means they are cheap, or makes them a prostitute and a relationship is a cover to absorb them of that filthy title.

While a lot of people will try to convince them otherwise, telling them that times have changed and all that, their assumptions aren’t baseless. This is in fact Africa.

There is a very popular line that guys uses to get girls, they would say, “you can sleep with a guy on the first day you meet him or three years later, if he wants to keep you he would” while this isn’t entirely wrong. You still have to understand that sex isn’t a relationship originator and it clouds our judgment, actually, sex impairs our.

The original point I was trying to make was that, you can be very sexual with someone you are not in a relationship with and while you might be thinking that he is your boo, you might just be a “stress release” to him.

Don’t get it twisted, it would be very nice if you both know what you are doing and if you both mutually agree on it but if all the guys in this country were to be a hundred, only five of that number would be bold enough to tell you that all he needs from you is sex, except of course you are sex worker.

So, use your brain, you can’t be a hundred percent sure but you shouldn’t just assume either.  He wants to get into your pants and to achieve that he has to convince you that you are beautiful, special, worthy and amazing. He has to tell you that he loves you or really likes you and he sees his future with you.

Honey, a guy would love you and sees a future with you may probably use same words with the one who wants to know what’s underneath your clothes. So how can you tell?

Here is what I think; decide on your own what you choose to do with your body, don’t let the society or a guy guide your decision, control that one part of you which is entirely up to you.

You don’t need a man to tell you that you are beautiful, smart and amazing, you have a mirror and you can see that for yourself.

Be the kind of girl you want to be and give any man who comes your way the privilege to decide for himself whether he can accept it or not. It’s your body, it’s your choice.

You want to engage in pre-marital sex? That’s your decision but don’t assume that every man you sleep with is your boyfriend or future husband.

You want to wait till you are married? Don’t quickly assume that life will be a lot easier.  Don’t take this decision lightly, and most importantly don’t allow it to be influenced, if you can’t decide what to do with your own body, then my darling, you can’t decide anything…

Enjoy the rest of your week and do subscribe to the blog by scrolling to the button of the page, type down your email address and click on SUBSCRIBE (It’s free)… and please leave a comment, I want to know what you think. Thanks guys.


  1. Amb. Samson O. Sanyaolu says:

    Choice is a pointer to a future reflection!
    Just ensure whatever be your choice is what will be convenient and reasonable by your future!

    Well done ma!
    More insight in Jesus’ name!

  2. Well said Tasha! I tink d key word here is you deciding what u want to do with your body! if u dnt set a standard for urself u are bound to follow d worlds standard by default. Yes its true among ladies who juss assume after sleeping with a gie den automatically dey r in a relationship but sorry to say dis “assumption is the mother of frustration” We should all set our standards. God bless u Tasha.

  3. Sex has always been traded for money for as long as the nature of humans but the African societies are build upon morals and tend to discriminate against it thereby making those indulging in the act to device various means (love pretense, deception, engagements, there are even fake marriages) that attract less castigation to attain their objectives (sex for d guys and money for the girls). God save us

  4. Sex can’t create a relationship neither can sex keep it.
    Is just a matter of personal decision.
    Dudes and bae be wise.

  5. Nice one …….
    Sex can’t create a relationship neither can sex keep one.
    Is just a matter of personal decision.
    Dudes and bae be wise.

  6. Intelligent topic,some times is like I find confusion in the conclusion I concluded long seem to me no one is absolutely sure of what he knows, about sex and relationship

  7. Stanley Agidee says:

    Intelligent topic about sex and relationship sometimes it seem to me that no one is absolutely sure of what he knows it puzzle me to fined confusion in conclusion I concluded long ago.

  8. Relationship (boyfriend n girlfriend) is a lincese to sex and selflessness. All decision made in a relationship must be made in favour of both parties. Dear ladies, if u feel sex is a self decision then stay alone

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